Dream
I had a bizarre dream the other night. I didn't write it up before now because I feel like it has nothing to tell me, but I don't know it won't mean something down the road.
This dream's randomness and somewhat unhappy nature was even harder to deal with since I haed asked for guidance about my work situation before I slept. I have searched, but I have no idea what guidance this dream might have been trying to give me.
In one part of the dream, I was participating in some sort of game show. I was competing against a man that I hated and that I had competed against many times before. But, I had played on this game show so many times I was tired of it. My hatred and competitive nature were warring -- I occilated from giving it my best and competing lackadaisically, with the latter usually winning. Funnily, the game show involved running a relay with an egg on a spoon -- that old picnic game.
I worried that this part of the dream meant that I secretly hated grad school and shouldn't be doing it -- that my work had been lackadaisical. I was talking to A today, and she suggested maybe it was the hoop-jumping game that is graduate school I was tired of, not the work. This made me feel somewhat better.
In another part of the dream, I was sleeping around with random men. I'm not sure why, since I didn't seem to enjoy it much. I was sleeping with a much older man, who happened to be a statistics professor. He was only one in a string of at least 3. (Just to note -- this is NOT behaviour that characterizes me in life.) In my dream, I asked my partner P, rather nonchalantly, whether it bugged him when I slept with these other men. He told me it devastated him, and that he was glad I finally asked his opinion.
I have no idea what this part of the dream could mean. The whole dream -- game show and sex -- had this empty, cold, unhealthy feeling to it that matched my mood concerning my work over the last several days. It was like reading Eliot's The Wasteland. I hated it.
Which brings me to my next post. I am going to write a smattering of the thoughts and emotions I have had surrounding my work. I am hoping this will help me get my mind in order, and start healing.
This dream's randomness and somewhat unhappy nature was even harder to deal with since I haed asked for guidance about my work situation before I slept. I have searched, but I have no idea what guidance this dream might have been trying to give me.
In one part of the dream, I was participating in some sort of game show. I was competing against a man that I hated and that I had competed against many times before. But, I had played on this game show so many times I was tired of it. My hatred and competitive nature were warring -- I occilated from giving it my best and competing lackadaisically, with the latter usually winning. Funnily, the game show involved running a relay with an egg on a spoon -- that old picnic game.
I worried that this part of the dream meant that I secretly hated grad school and shouldn't be doing it -- that my work had been lackadaisical. I was talking to A today, and she suggested maybe it was the hoop-jumping game that is graduate school I was tired of, not the work. This made me feel somewhat better.
In another part of the dream, I was sleeping around with random men. I'm not sure why, since I didn't seem to enjoy it much. I was sleeping with a much older man, who happened to be a statistics professor. He was only one in a string of at least 3. (Just to note -- this is NOT behaviour that characterizes me in life.) In my dream, I asked my partner P, rather nonchalantly, whether it bugged him when I slept with these other men. He told me it devastated him, and that he was glad I finally asked his opinion.
I have no idea what this part of the dream could mean. The whole dream -- game show and sex -- had this empty, cold, unhealthy feeling to it that matched my mood concerning my work over the last several days. It was like reading Eliot's The Wasteland. I hated it.
Which brings me to my next post. I am going to write a smattering of the thoughts and emotions I have had surrounding my work. I am hoping this will help me get my mind in order, and start healing.
posted by --- at 12:49 AM
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