March Full Moon
This full moon, I had lots of thoughts about parenting.
In the morning, I went to work for a couple of hours. I was listening to the radio, as I usually do, and the interview was with a Franciscan priest who uses music to reach out to people. The interviewer asked for an example of where he found that music reached someone where nothing else could have, and the priest surprised the interviewer by launching into a protest song concerning what I went through last month. It was a very poignant song -- I physically winced at a couple of points. I sat there and cried and cried.
It was then that I realized I hadn't really gotten over what had happened and what I had done, but was just pushing it away. I decided to call for the counselling that had been offered to me. I had my first appointment a couple of days ago, and it was draining, but enormously helpful. I will post more about this later.
The rest of the day was happier. We had planned to go to an event and were driving T and M and their kids, a family we have known for awhile but are getting to know better now. We piled into the van and set off. I was really looking forward to spending the day with my son, and he just loves events.
T is a wonderful mother, and has had a rough go lately. She had just gotten back to work after maternity leave and got very ill. She's been at home battling illness and trying to look after her toddler. She is better now and is heading back to work soon. Right now, she is in a place where she craves more grown-up time than she is getting.
I chased L around all day and had a wonderful time. He had a bit of a meltdown at suppertime, but generally all of our kids did great and really enjoyed themselves.
On the way home, T and I compared notes. She had had quite a frustrating day, with not enough time to socialize with adults she doesn't see very often.
Really, she and I had spent our days pretty much the same way. L might have been a bit happier generally than her kids, but not all that much. What, then, caused such a difference in our perceptions of the day?
The answer is clear. I went to the event expressly to spend time with my little one, knowing he would enjoy it. It was my time with him. If I got some adult fun time, so much the better, but it's not what I was after really. T and I are in very different places, me as a working mom and she at home so it's not surprising our viewpoints are different.
This made me think about the plan I have recently been following to govern my life. I have decided that, in general, I am either at work, or looking after my son. Only when he sleeps do I get non-work time to myself. I feel this is vital to my role as his Mama -- I want to be one of his primary caregivers. I want to be one of the main people who teaches him about the world.
But this full moon, I realized how much this plan is working for me. Rather than a duty, it is a joy to go to work, a joy to care for L, then a joy to enjoy my time off. I look forward to each without dreading any of it, or growing tired of any of it. It is a happiness to split my time this way.
-Thriceraven
In the morning, I went to work for a couple of hours. I was listening to the radio, as I usually do, and the interview was with a Franciscan priest who uses music to reach out to people. The interviewer asked for an example of where he found that music reached someone where nothing else could have, and the priest surprised the interviewer by launching into a protest song concerning what I went through last month. It was a very poignant song -- I physically winced at a couple of points. I sat there and cried and cried.
It was then that I realized I hadn't really gotten over what had happened and what I had done, but was just pushing it away. I decided to call for the counselling that had been offered to me. I had my first appointment a couple of days ago, and it was draining, but enormously helpful. I will post more about this later.
The rest of the day was happier. We had planned to go to an event and were driving T and M and their kids, a family we have known for awhile but are getting to know better now. We piled into the van and set off. I was really looking forward to spending the day with my son, and he just loves events.
T is a wonderful mother, and has had a rough go lately. She had just gotten back to work after maternity leave and got very ill. She's been at home battling illness and trying to look after her toddler. She is better now and is heading back to work soon. Right now, she is in a place where she craves more grown-up time than she is getting.
I chased L around all day and had a wonderful time. He had a bit of a meltdown at suppertime, but generally all of our kids did great and really enjoyed themselves.
On the way home, T and I compared notes. She had had quite a frustrating day, with not enough time to socialize with adults she doesn't see very often.
Really, she and I had spent our days pretty much the same way. L might have been a bit happier generally than her kids, but not all that much. What, then, caused such a difference in our perceptions of the day?
The answer is clear. I went to the event expressly to spend time with my little one, knowing he would enjoy it. It was my time with him. If I got some adult fun time, so much the better, but it's not what I was after really. T and I are in very different places, me as a working mom and she at home so it's not surprising our viewpoints are different.
This made me think about the plan I have recently been following to govern my life. I have decided that, in general, I am either at work, or looking after my son. Only when he sleeps do I get non-work time to myself. I feel this is vital to my role as his Mama -- I want to be one of his primary caregivers. I want to be one of the main people who teaches him about the world.
But this full moon, I realized how much this plan is working for me. Rather than a duty, it is a joy to go to work, a joy to care for L, then a joy to enjoy my time off. I look forward to each without dreading any of it, or growing tired of any of it. It is a happiness to split my time this way.
-Thriceraven
posted by --- at 10:54 PM
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