Yesterday I was visited in my lab by two people I used to work with. This doesn't happen often and seemed significant.
The first was a woman who used to work as a technician in the lab I am no longer part of. She was accepted to grad school and left the lab -- she was having some problems with our boss as well. I ran into her in the hallway yesterday and we chatted about how our studies were going. She and I always got along well, but it somehow surprised me that she treated me with respect, and wished me well. She even asked my advice on something in her studies, and thanked me for my input. I don't know why it surprised me -- I guess that I have this fear that I don't belong here and that I'm not worthy of studying here, and that these facts are blatantly obvious to everyone but me. Our brief, random interaction gave me validation and I almost wanted to cry.
The second was a visit from a former boss, who I always liked. I was afraid he was unhappy with me when I left his lab and we haven't spoken much in the last three years. Yesterday he came by just to see what I was up to.
Somehow, I felt these two interactions happened to remind me that I belong here as much as the next person. It certainly gave me a boost of confidence that I hope I can carry with me.
Lately, I have been concentrating on my work as ritual -- I think it goes much better when do things deliberately and lovingly, just as I would a piece of magick.
There has been a lot of stress and difficulty in my family lately, and I had hoped the full moon would bring me some insight about it. Instead, I got these revelations about work. I guess you can't always decide what the world to teaches you.
